Methodist Curls

I guess… I was just hoping that things would change. Things would get better. Things would go back to the way they were. That you would exceed my expectations. That I would be able to fall back in love. That maybe, just maybe, I would be able to enjoy life again. Wake up every morning, take a deep breath, and count my blessings; you being at the top.

But it’s not like that. Things certainly changed, but not what I’d wanted. Not what I’d hoped. Not what I’d dreamed. And now I wake up each morning, look in the mirror and sigh. Not knowing what happened, what’s happening, or what’s going to happen. I’m not in love.

I take my frustration out on things that I shouldn’t. People I shouldn’t.

And this is all my fault. I did this to me. The guy I see in the mirror; he’s the one to blame. And I hate him. I hate everything about him. He’s a jerk. An ass-hole. A pussy. A douche. A coward.

This is my fault. And so I deserve where I am now.

I guess…

Everything.

I hope you know that I’m still here.

But I’m scared that you might disappear.

I gave you up, that’s what I chose.

But how was I supposed to know?

That the door we opened, soon would close,

And I’d want what we had long ago.

I miss you. And I want you back,

And I think about you ‘fore I hit the sack.

What would it take for you to understand?

That this is not the life, which I had planned.

Please don’t go. Please don’t leave.

I know that I have been naïve.

You say you’re moving on, and it kills me inside.

To know I wasn’t worth all the tears you’ve cried.

And seeing you with him makes me feel so sick.

To think that you could forget about me, all too quick…(ly).

What happened to the love that we used to share?

Where I could tell you everything, without a worry or care.

We would cuddle for hours. And that’s when I knew,

That I wanted to spend all my life with you.

But I was a moron. A dunce. A fool.

To think we couldn’t ever make it past high-school.

But now I know. But it’s much too late.

Because you’re looking for another guy for you to date.

You’re allowed to be happy. For this I know,

But I’m begging you: Please don’t go.